Dealing with my own fraken shit to deal with in my life I feel like I am in the fucking Twilight Zone geesh......let me die in peace if I choose to be

Well, the fraken hell I go through with my family, and the things that I do to make everyone happy, but at what fraken fucking price do I end up paying? Well, lets find out shall we???
To start off with, the living situation here is too much for myself to take at all, I deal with the fact of ignoring everyone here, mom, dad, my dads friend, geesh, I could go on for hours on this shit but I wont, I am feeling like I am in one of those fraken episodes of the Twilight Zone indeed, but to deal with not only CPS in Santa Clara, California, and the fraken shit I deal with because of my kids, I also deal with helping mom when she needs it, I do care about her but fraken Christ sake, when will my mental state of mind become better?? Well, I guess, I am also dealing with my dads friend geesh she can be a royal pain in my fraken neck, I swear to fraken fucking god the next time (Rachel my dads friend) acts like a fucking know it all, I swear to fucking god I will fucking leave all that I have inside of myself, and say fuck off, eat shit and fraken live, and just leave me the fraken fuck alone to my family, because to me enoughs enough for fucking Christ sake, I will end up in a nervous fucking breakdown for their stupid ass part in it as well as Santa Clara CPS part in this fucking hell of a mess indeed. but I will never fucking go down without a fraken fight, with everyone that fucking hurts me, I will not deal with anyone anymore if this bullshit keeps up, I will fraken leave and I wont fraken come back until I feel safe again in my own life as well as my skin indeed, I am just so fraken tierd of the drama, the fraken bullshit in my family, as well as an overcrowded apartment that make me so suffocated here in this place to a point to where I will need to just disapear away from everyone and I will never EVER deal with so much of this in my life EVER, and also I am dealing with myself more than my parents, and when it comes to my kids I know that they are safe and I will be there for them that's all, nothing more and nothing less, I will be there for my kids That is fact, and also I will always be there for them that is my promise to my own kids, and never ask me to give my kids up, that is asking for a death wish from me to even sugeest that to me at all. And to even think that I am being asked to do this away from my kids, please I will NEVER break my promise to them so don't even ask me, that to me will get you a fuck off meaning from myself and I will tell you this always, This is never an option in my life EVER, so I will deal with my life as I always have and avoid people until I am better and not deal with my folks as well as my dads friend so that you can hang it up on this issue of my life, all I can say is the hell with them for now, and I will deal with my kids and myself, so beware of my moods, from what day to the next indeed, and I will deal with my secclusion, and I will take my own life to where I need to go alone, for my kids and myself, I will do what I feel is right, and dont try to talk me out of it at all, I wont respond to such utter bullshit that I feel that is not the truth that I feel in my life EVER, so if you want to know more about me, then read all of what I have put in here in each situations of my life in this blogger, from begining to end, I know that alot of things I do in my life has been under survival mode, and that is how I live my life now as I tend to do from now on only with a small few of my true friends that I have already, nothing more. And to let everyone know that I am dealing with my life that I am fighting for, and this is serious also, I have known who I am for years, and I am dealing with things that alot of people will never understand that I went through in my life, well at least my true friends already have, and I am very truly greatful that they care and understand this about me, and for those that do, I thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most in my life hugs and kisses to all of you, and to those that have come to know me, and still want to know me more, please read my enire blogs here, and comment freely on each one, dont be shy to ask anything that might confuse you about my blogs, and sometimes I dont even understand myself at times but trust me I do know what I have learned in my life, and I have no regrets or remorse for how my life is going at this time, but I am dealing with my own mind that is taking its toll on my mentally, but I am still here on what I have left within myself, so please dont be afraid of what and who I am as a woman, as also a person inside, but I can not change or make anyone happy all of the time, all I can do is change myself this I know but it is hard to deal with sometimes but I manage (barley sruggling within my mental and my emotions of my own soul and this is not good at all) but I will live close to seconds of my life as I can, I have been writing in my journals in my notebook, as well as writing a book of my life so my wonderful children know who and what I am and was if something was to happen to me after I am gone, so these are the times where I need to be prepared for my childrens future comes from me, since I am as much a part of them as they are a part of me in my life, and I will do what it takes to make sure that they dont EVER forget me in their lives, I know this from my own wonderful children, in everything that they do, I will always be proud of them for life, even after I am gone from this world, yes, this may sound so negitave, but I am being prepared for my childrens future, and I have to do it, so if you want to know more about me feel free to read all of what I blog in here, I will answer what you may ask of me, but until then I will mend and heal within myself, and deal with my kids, and not my drama here at home, as of now I have been avoiding my folks as well as my dads friend, as I am healing within myself, and until the next time I blog in here I will do what I must do to mend and heel within myself. ( I feel like I am dying inside spiritually dying inside my entire body and I am knowing this but cant help feeling that my entire universe of mine is falling apart inside of me but I do what I must do to mend but no help geesh, and I get no respect at all here at home as well, fuck this fraken suck all the way to hell in my life, oh fraken well, if I mentally end up dead who the fuck cares huh?? I sure as fraken dont anymore indeed, geesh get over it people it is my own fraken life I am dealing with, but no one cares so why should I care huh?? well think of my life now which toally fraken sucks indeed and I from now on dont care about me indeed so what fuck off) Well, this has to be the worse day of my entire universe right now
as far as I am concerned but oh fraken well, I sure as hell am giving up in my life right now
indeed. So why should I give a rats ass for my own life?? as I figured it, if I die I die thats all,
and this is the god's honest truth as of today in my heart and I have always felt this way, and I will never change my mind EVER! So I am never changing my mind for fraken shit so all i can say to people who hurt me get a fucking clue, and fuck off and die, and dont preach to me that my life will be better if I was lied to, I dont fucking think so you fraken dumbasses that hurt me, so dont feed me this utter bullshit because I will never believe any of it not now or EVER, so to think people can hurt me and get away with it, ok who lied to them about doing something this fucking dumb needs to considered a real fraken moron indeed, is all I can say for now, but in case you fraken dumbasses try to pull one over on me, fraken forget it, I will get even with all of you fraken morons and justice is mine as well in this area so fraken what get over it, deal with your own shit. (geesh ya think for fracks sake indeed how fucking boring this life is geesh) just leave me in peace for fucking christ sake indeed geesh.
And as for now, I must mend on my own, and until next time my friends old and new I thank you all for being here and reading my blogs, and I appreciate each of you for reading and commenting in them, and ask me anything I will reply when I am able to my friends.
Until next time.
caio

Justice is mine now....scammers beware of ME.....good people beware of these dumbasses. I will ruin them all if I have to beware of my wrath.........

well, it is that time again to say what I have been saying all along, in this blog, I will not ever deal with such asses that cannot respect my friendship, and that uses my friendship for what they want finacially, This is the final time that I will deal with such fucking assholes that use me, I will ruin them, and if they think that I will be easily be suckered into the lies and disrespect to me, they better think again, I wont put up with that nonsense at all, I will ruin their reputation in more ways than one you can count on this, I will NEVER EVER deal with such utter bullshit ever in the likes of this person his nick name on yahoo Messenger is: kelvinjames_20 so just to let you know on this as well as another one that you should never talk to is: braham_hit, also martins_soulmate, and also sexy_leo05 now I feel that I should let all of you know that these Dumbasses should not even try to scam off of anyone that is it, no excuses, and now to say that if my friendship was ruined, because of all of these people that are TOTAL FUCKING FAKES, trust me they are, they lied, and said that they live in california, then I found out that THEY LIVE IN NIGERIA, to me they are FRAKEN FUCKING FAKES, never believe a fraken word they say, because these people are professional nigerian scam artists, and I have reported them to the proper authorities, so if these people try this again, and they might online, please for fraken christ sake, do become very skeptical on who you talk to, and don't believe anything that they say or do, even sending you PERSONAL CHECKS, MONEY ORDERS, ETC. trust me don't give into these fraken assholes, they are not worth the fraken pot to piss and shit in, I know this for a fucking fact, they have hurt me in so many ways in my trust, that's why I am warning everyone here, NEVER TRUST these kinds of people, they are truly fucking dumbasses, to be honest, I have not been financially, hurt by this, just my trust issue has been destroyed TOTALLY, and it will take so much time to heal within myself, maybe for good, but I am not sure yet, right now all I have is my own kids, my family that I am dealing with, and for now that is enough not to deal with so many Dumbasses in this lifetime indeed, well until next time that people decide to use or hurt me, I will get my justice through here I guarantee you this much, and I will say this to all scammers, nigerian or otherwise: DON'T FRAKEN FUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME I WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE IN TIME, IF YOU KEEP HURTING GOOD PEOPLE, THEN UNTL YOU DO RIGHT, AND BECOME HONEST WITHIN WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG, YOUR LIFE TURNS TO FRAKEN HELL FOR GOOD IN THE LONG RUN, AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU EVER, YOU FRAKEN DUMBASSES YOU THINK YOUR SO SLICK, BUT YOUR NOT, YOU R FRAKEN PATHETIC INDEED, AND A FRAKEN DRAMA QUEEN AS WELL, SO AGAIN, I SAY TO YOU ALL FRAKEN FUCK OFF AND DIE TO WHEREVER YOU DECIDED TO FUCK OFF OF, SO DON'T EVER FRAKEN FUCK WITH ME AGAIN OR WHO I CARE ABOUT, IN TIME YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUIN FOR LIFE, YOU STUPID DUMBASS DRAMA FRAKEN QUEEN. Get over yourselves, you drama queens, assholes, so people beware of these fraken dumbasses, trust me I will ruin them all, I like to see them try to pull a fraken fast one on me, I hate all of them indeed, time will tell indeed to see if I will catch them in the act, ( I know that they will try this dumbass fraken shit again geesh anymore of this I will not be happy with it indeed, so beware of my fraken fucking wrath, believe me im in no fucking fraken mood at all with these dumbass son of a bitches indeed), well until I fight these fuckers again. ( I must be getting tierd of so many drama fucking queens, geesh do I need to fight? well if I have to I must I guess just beware of my moods you stupid dumbass fraken fucking morons and this also goes for people who totally fraken fucking lie to me in my life or hurt my kids and my parents, dont fraken fuck with me ever, and beware of my wrath I will get my Justice indeed. until next time.
caio