My Blog

Gastric By Pass I finally did It.....

2010-04-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally did it!!!! On the 6Th Of April I did the Gastric By Pass and WOW!!! It is a Life changing event I say, also My life and feelings have changed in this whole ordeal, and its wonderful, all I can say is that this is the most wonderful time of my life. And needless to say, that I now have a second chance at my life, I thank God for that everyday that I wake up.

Well the healing has begun, and it is not easy at all, but there are some great friends that I truly care about and that has been there for me since I started going through this I want to say to them Thanks for being there for me through this and I love you all. And for my family, I love you all and thank you for being there for me I appreciate all of you for helping me at this time and your love and support and always being there for me. Now when healing begins I truly understand when you go through the healing after surgery and Wow it is hard work, the first 10 days you have to do clear liquids for that time until the follow up appointment then soft foods, then it is like retraining yourself to eat all over again. to be continued......Blessed be...

Here is my side of the story about my children....And to my wonderful boys please read this

2010-03-09T00:10:00.000-08:00

to my wonderful boys,

here is what i went through with my reason why that i could not visit you at this time, it was due to the last court that i went to, i went there and as soon as they lied about me then i went out of court to go home then i started having an anxiety attack, then i had to get home where i am now, but if anyone in the system lied about me to u, then they lied and that is all about them and the money they collect on each child, the money don't go to me at all. But all i can say is that i love you all very much.but i hope that this helps you, and i will be here to answer anything u want to ask me. I love u.

your mother,

Gianna

My new Cat her name is Princess.....

2009-01-23T12:55:00.000-08:00

This is my Princess, she can be a handful at times but between her and Rocky, they are wonderful Cats to have around, But I wonder sometimes about how they act.
They get their Moods, and then they settle down when they want to be, But over all, I love them both.

my kitten is doing wonderful now and so am I....

2008-03-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

My 17 week old Kitten Rocky WOW!! What a ham when he poses
for the camera....

Rocky and I We are a wonderful

family together...WOW we are

quite a Pair LOL!!!!

My New Hairstyle I like it!!!!

My Kitten and I are doing quite well, you can tell by our amazing pics indeed, and now since i have found the new me today, I have found that my family and I are doing better now since we have adapted each other quite nicely (meaning my 17 week old kitten named Rocky and what a ham when he poses for cameras). All I can say is that he is a wonderful asset to my family and he is like a son to me, and I will protect him at any way I can, well as for myself, I have a new style which you can tell in the latest short hairstyle in my pic, I seem to like to just make it short and run my fingers in it and go, as I like to deal with my hair these days, I just have too many bad things i am dealing with in my life, and ex-boyfriend who keeps calling me, so on this week Monday, i will have all of my phone numbers changed for good, that way I will finally have some peace of mind in my life, and so my adventure continues, as I don't date anymore due to my health issues that I have at this time, and since my ex-boyfriend gave me what he had, I do blame myself for what happen to me, and I do blame him as well,so after all of this I decided, to say the hell with dating it is not worth it for me, not anymore in my life,

all I need is friends and I cant rely on the fair-weather friends as we call them, and I don't like acquaintances on those kinds of friends due to using me is all I don't need them either, so all I can say is that I only need my family and that's all, and besides the friends that I already knew

So let me know how the pics are, and until the next time I blog in here.

Blessed Be....

Happy New Years....and more....

2008-01-19T22:29:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years to all...and there is more to my life now, I have a 10 week old Kitten, and his name is Rocky, he is a wonderful, playful Little kitten, and I love him dearly, he is a part of my life now, also I am single again, I was seeing a man which I found out that he was no good to either myself or my household, so I said he had to go! and now I am my own woman again, thanks to my new kitten he helps me to be the bright part of my day, and I love him for this.
I want to deal with my life my own way, and by my own right in my life now, so if things were wrong in my life I will get them back in order now. Without any threats of my ex-boyfriend, justice will soon come to him in natures way and time I believe this in my wiccan ways in my faith, this is what I want in my life. Now I have my life to consider at this moment, healing my mental and emotional part of me as well as the physical aspects of my life. So all i have to say is this: I am woman....in natures way justice will be served...in Karmas way.

My new journey in october 1st

2007-09-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am going to my new place of my own, and this will help me get my own life back as well as my freedom, I am as well doing things on my own, and it will be better for my own needs, and as well to better my life in my future. This will my wonderful journey of my life.

The New Place I am living in Now.......

2007-02-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

The move was great, and I really enjoy having my roommate she is wonderful, and we are getting along beautifully the place is great, very quiet here, peaceful for myself, and I'm very comfortable in this place I call home, even if I do miss my folks I still care about them dearly I will always have them as my parents, the move was in January 2007, I am very peaceful in my own mind, heart, body, and soul just to keep my own way of life in check, I will still be able to handle things in my life to say the least, well I have good things going my way for now, but still no stable person in my life yet, I guess I will never be with someone, and be alone for a long time but who knows yet. Time will tell indeed so lets find out how this year will turn up, so far I have not seen my kids and then no one in my life so far, then I feel like a dead woman walking indeed. So yet, I feel this way but I guess that I will find out soon enough what will happen in my life indeed, until next time I write in here soon.
Ciao for now.......

Happy 2007 (HNY)

2007-01-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems to me on this New Years Day it will probably be the same way as it was last year, but if so, well I knew would be too good to be true for me indeed, well, I wish everyone a safe and blessed new year to come indeed. Til the next time I blog in here.
Ciao

These Fucked up sayings that are in my head everyday....Deal with it!! I have no choice you do!!

2006-11-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

Well here is how I have been feeling these days, the last thing I have always wanted to have said to me is........
Can I have your thoughts on how you are feeling at this moment?
or
Are you feeling alright with what you are going through at the moment?
or
How Can I help you?
or
How are you doing?
(more cheesey or fucked up sayings as far as it is in my point of view)
or
Let's Fuck Shall we?
or
Bow and serve me now Bitch!
or
Who's your Daddy?
or
Who's your Master?
or
And your whinny crybaby ass point is?
or
Who the hell cares how your thoughts are at this time?
or
Piss off!
or
Who the fraken hell cares about your thoughts and feelings at this time anyways?
or
Frack off!
or
Why the fracken hell should I care about your thoughts, feelings, or your mindframe is anyways?
or
And your ego is about to errupt when you open your big mouth with crap spewing out of it, that makes no sense that you mention everyday!
or (the last ones)
Do I really fraken care any less on your thoughts are or will be in the next few years?
or
How's your fraken ego doing?
or
How's your life going with no one to care or show for it?
or
Do you think I need to understand or believe you in what or how you are as a person?
(think again I don't actually)
or (my final one)
The hell with them and dont deal with them and let God sort them out!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, these are the crazy sayings that I hear and deal with everyday of my life, and I thik that really sucks, so what am I dealing with these things for? well, just to see if I can not deal with it all and to get rid of it in my head and just to see if I am the only one that dont give a rats ass
on how my life's little tribute on sayings really are for other people, or I must be crazy any damn way, well comments are never on here anyway, and if I dont see them then oh well I must be blind then huh...well for now I guess I must go til the next time I write in here til then.
Caio for now....

Reviews on the vacation that I am a part of...WOW what fun indeed...

2006-09-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

Started doing the reviews on travels and so far this is a slow working proccess, and now it seems that the traveling is fun but reviewing the places where I have been to with a good friend of mine is interesting as a buisness partner, and my closest friend that I can trust and
learn from my buisness partner more, in the reviews of many places that I have went to, it seems that, they are some beautiful places to be, and also I have learned how to review places, etc, so all I have to do is review what I have experienced and take it from there, I also take pictures of the places of where I have been to, now as I see it, I enjoy reviewing places, and enjoying what I can post for our readers to enjoy, and to feel like I can help make a difference in our readers lives as well, and to feel really ok about it in the proccess, well I will keep things in a different point of view as a woman's point of view in the reviewing part of the
job, well until I have more input on my experience in the reviews that I will be going on just facts of my experiences of the reviews I put on the site that the reviewer's blog will be on, (but not listed yet) all I can say is that this is the best way for me to deal with my times of my life so far, and this is it, well until next time.
ciao to all.

My Poem that I made in my heart........Through my eyes I have seen the universe through it.....

2006-09-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

Well, all I can say is that I have a poem that I think that suited best for how I am feeling at this moment. Trust me, this does suit me beautifully on how this poem, fits on the way I look at the universe differently, so here it goes and let me know what you all think:

I Don't Want To Live In.......
I Don't want to live in a world that has children dying and bad parents hurt
them mentally and emotionally, for life........

I Don't want to live in a world where there is too much sadness (depression).....

I Don't want to live in a world that I am burdened by my life to others, that don't care
how I lived when I was alive and now my world is disapearring before my eyes......

I Don't want to live in a world that does not want peace in this world, but to enjoy life
to the fullest before crossing over to the next life, having no remorse or regrets as
people living...........

I Don't want to live in a world where I feel that I am not loved by my kids, and they
end up hating me because I did not be the best parent to them regardless, I still and
always will love them no matter what happends in their lives..........

I Don't want to live in a world that Doctors don't care if I lived or Died, but I will not
go out without a fight for my life and what is left that I have in my heart to
cherish always for, the many friends, and loved ones that have been in my life,
including my kids, my friends, and family, as well as the people that know me well
here online........

I Don't want to live in a world that our so called president, and govenours, could care
less about the working/poverty/struggling, people of the universe, and children as well
that are seprarated from their mothers that are good parents and do right by them
for so many years but the children suffer as well as there perents.........

I Don't want to live in a world to where I will never have my kids love me because of
the separation from me for so many years of there life.......

I Don't want to live in a world knowing that my life died in vain.........

I Don't want to live in a world where there is war...........

I Don't want to live in a world where children are hurting, and dying everyday without
love......

I Don't want to live in a world to where I never can find true love and happiness ever
again in my life, and feeling it might not happen.........

I Don't want to live in a universe that I will never have peace in my life, and knowing
this might not happen in my life ever again, well I just don't want to live at all.......

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the end of my poem that I made on my own Views of my life that I see all the time through my eyes, and my heart I see things differently that no one else understands of me, I wish in my life there is alot of what I have said in my poem, but I know this is the chance that I must take on my life, what little of it, if by chance I don't have left, enjoy life, live it, and never be sad, or remorse or regret the things that you should have done or said in your lives, enjoy the life you have and be blessed in what you got in what you recieve and have in live, and treasure the life that you have left, you may not have a second chance at this life, I sure Don't, so be blessed in what life you have now.

Until the next time I blog again....be safe and well in your lives.
Caio to all.........

My Birthday Aug 14th.......

2006-08-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

My birthday was something that was never celebrated in my life. Even as a child, I never did have the chance to, but until this day, I finally did, and I am truly blessed that I have a wonderful peaceful place in me at the moment, I thought that, my birthday was going to be the worse one this year, well I guess I was wrong, it was a calm and a peaceful inside me that no one can ever understand, but in this case, my way of things have been changing over the years, and so has my way of blogging, and being at peace is what I have at the moment, but at least next year on my birthday, I guess, it will be quite interesting indeed, but we shall see shall we?? All I can do is expect what lies for me from this day in my life, and I guess I do have my feelings to consider in all of the changes in my life, well all I can say is I must keep searching with in myself to see if I can find my true answer deep within me, and all I can say is "my life indeed will go on to the extreem fullest and treasure every moment I have left as I am living as if it was my last days on this earth, and have fun and be safe in the proccess too"
well, try saying that 3 times fast LOL, well at least my birthday was not a total loss indeed, I have been in a much calmer frame of mind within the past 2 months or so, not sure when I started feeling this way, but at least I am in control of my deepest part of what I must do with my life, and for my kids, this what I have wished for them more than myself, but I am doing it as well for not only for them, but myself as well.
All I am dealing with I did make a big wish for my birthday this year, I am not saying what the wish I made is, it is a secret, and It might not come true, so I have it deeper inside me, so the universe knows what I need in my life. Now all I can say is that I will see more of what needs to happen with me in my life, from this day on, I will deal with myself only, so I can be there for my kids, and as well as for my family and friends, so to all of the people I have met in my life so far, and are wonderful to me, I thank you all for being here when I need them the most I love you all indeed, and all I can do now is take things one second at a time in my life now more than ever, so I must go for now, but I will keep blogging in here, until next time,
caio for now indeed. caio and peace and love to all.
Caio to all.

My Vacation From Aug 4th-9th

2006-08-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

My vacation was interesting of course, but now I am dealing with my event here at home, even if things are not right yet, but they will be soon enough, and time will tell for my life to actually keep on going indeed, but as we all say in life: "Life must go on" , and it does indeed, even when we at least expect it, the only way we know this is to experience what life has given us and to treasure it knowing, that we will learn to grow, love, and be blessed in our life, of what we have now in our lives, and this is how I see myself in the things that I do now more than the universe has to offer, but I know with in myself, that I do what must be in my life. So all I can say is my life will be truly wonderful indeed, but as I said before my vacation, was interesting, but I am sure I will travel more, to see what other places, cultures, and life in general is like, but I am glad and truly blessed that I am back home now, so until I blog again next time. Ciao to all.

A Calm Before The Storm In My Life Indeed.....WOW!!! Finally

2006-07-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

Things that I have been wondering in my life, the time I was young with my aunt, being trained in so many situations, I felt that my life has changed so much that I am not sure where to begin. All I can say is I have learned alot in my life, and I have been in a much better place in my life than before, I just hope that my day to day life gets better for my mental frame of mind, and I am very blessed that I have the important people in my life that are so wonderful to me, I have to say thanks to all of my true friends that have been here for me when I needed them the most in my time of need, and much love and hugs to each of you that genuinely care of how I am in my life, and I am very greatful for the things in my life that are dear and close to my heart and soul, I have also decided that my world will change completely for the better of my life, I am totally into my own life that I need to deal with and change in my life more now than ever, I do hope that I will have the best in my life, that I can be true to myself, and most of all loving to myself as well, I am at least calm in my life now, doing what I need to do to have inner peace and love from within myself, and I have it as of now, I have the most inner peace and im not sure how long I will have this inner peace, but I am sure going to have it while I have it in my life, I call it the calm before the storm hits within myself deep, so all I can say is that my wonderful friends that are my true friends that I have in my life, I thank you deeply for being here in my life, I really appreciate the care and support that you all have shown and given me at my time of need when I needed the most, again I do treasure all of you and love you all for being here for my time of need and supported me in all that I did in my life, thanks to all hugs and kisses to each one of you that truly care in my life. I am now dealing with more things that will be in my heart and soul, that I need to deal with, I will keep the true friends close to my heart, as well as to my blog, I will see what happens next in my life now indeed, well everyone until the next time I blog in here.
Caio to all of you my dear wonderful friends. Hugs and kisses to all, much love to each of you, Peace.

My Changes That I Have Already In My Life Let It Flow Indeed..............

2006-07-26T00:13:00.000-07:00

Well things in my life has changed quite a bit, indeed making new friends in my life, dealing with adjustments in my life, dealing with my kids, and trying to deal with me, WOW say this 20 times fast, oh well, I have learned that you can not change or please everyone all the time, all I can do is change myself and stay in the moment thats all I can do, and if everyone does not like me, all I can say is fraken bite me, I am not here to please the entire universe, I am here to be myself, and to be here for my kids and my love ones besides my friends. Nothing or no one else will come in between that, or everything that I have worked hard for in my life that I treasure will not be in vain, that I guarantee you this. My life is my own, my family is mine indeed, the love and care for my true friends and family is what I have left in my life, I will not loose this ever. All I ever want and will have is to be happy, and Damn it this will be for my family for them to have happiness in their lives, this will not be for me, only them this includes my kids first, I have lived my life the way I wanted, but still this is not about me, its about my kids, so what I will do it as I always have done for them keep my promise to my kids, be there for them always, then deal with me second so I can be there for them, and last my Family and my true friends is who I am there for, so all I am doing now is having a fufilled life as it was ment for me to in my life, nothing more and nothing less, at least if and when I die, I will know that I will have lived a satisfied and fufilled life with no regrets, or remorse for what I have lived for in my life indeed. I think of this and know it is so for my life indeed, all I can do is live my life to the fullest and live well and satisfied indeed. Well, I will be on vacation from August 4th to the 9th going to Florida, needing some time for me, and relaxation, no more fraken drama here at home within those days, at least I will have some peace within my life if I can find it, well I need to rest up for the trip but I will let you all know soon how it went, or maybe I will just keep it to myself, oh well who knows what I will do anymore. Well, until the next time I decide to blog in here. Caio to All indeed.
Peace and Hugs to all.

New friends Indeed

2006-06-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I must say that I have met some interesting new friends indeed, and i have some that i have chosen for myself to be with and my friends and I agree on alot, especially they are so wonderful to me and they are very much a true friend that I consider blessed to have in my life, and I am very truly greatful that I have a few that I know that are genuine in my life, to me that is a wonderful thing I can respect in my friends, this is very true on what the saying goes about friends...."True friends are hard to come by but when you have so many of them in your life appreciate them and never loose them, and most of all treasure them for who they are inside and out"
This is something that I have in my life now and this is a truly wonderful gift that life has given me indeed. I will always treasure all of my friends that I have in my life, and I have appreciate them for who they are inside and out, they are wonderful, and very beautiful friends that I can actually call them my friends for life indeed, thanks to all of you my wonderful, and beautiful friends that are in my life, I shall treasure all of you for life, and thank you for being my true friends, hugs and kisses to all of you.
Until next time.
Caio bella

Dealing with my own fraken shit to deal with in my life I feel like I am in the fucking Twilight Zone geesh......let me die in peace if I choose to be

2006-06-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

Well, the fraken hell I go through with my family, and the things that I do to make everyone happy, but at what fraken fucking price do I end up paying? Well, lets find out shall we???
To start off with, the living situation here is too much for myself to take at all, I deal with the fact of ignoring everyone here, mom, dad, my dads friend, geesh, I could go on for hours on this shit but I wont, I am feeling like I am in one of those fraken episodes of the Twilight Zone indeed, but to deal with not only CPS in Santa Clara, California, and the fraken shit I deal with because of my kids, I also deal with helping mom when she needs it, I do care about her but fraken Christ sake, when will my mental state of mind become better?? Well, I guess, I am also dealing with my dads friend geesh she can be a royal pain in my fraken neck, I swear to fraken fucking god the next time (Rachel my dads friend) acts like a fucking know it all, I swear to fucking god I will fucking leave all that I have inside of myself, and say fuck off, eat shit and fraken live, and just leave me the fraken fuck alone to my family, because to me enoughs enough for fucking Christ sake, I will end up in a nervous fucking breakdown for their stupid ass part in it as well as Santa Clara CPS part in this fucking hell of a mess indeed. but I will never fucking go down without a fraken fight, with everyone that fucking hurts me, I will not deal with anyone anymore if this bullshit keeps up, I will fraken leave and I wont fraken come back until I feel safe again in my own life as well as my skin indeed, I am just so fraken tierd of the drama, the fraken bullshit in my family, as well as an overcrowded apartment that make me so suffocated here in this place to a point to where I will need to just disapear away from everyone and I will never EVER deal with so much of this in my life EVER, and also I am dealing with myself more than my parents, and when it comes to my kids I know that they are safe and I will be there for them that's all, nothing more and nothing less, I will be there for my kids That is fact, and also I will always be there for them that is my promise to my own kids, and never ask me to give my kids up, that is asking for a death wish from me to even sugeest that to me at all. And to even think that I am being asked to do this away from my kids, please I will NEVER break my promise to them so don't even ask me, that to me will get you a fuck off meaning from myself and I will tell you this always, This is never an option in my life EVER, so I will deal with my life as I always have and avoid people until I am better and not deal with my folks as well as my dads friend so that you can hang it up on this issue of my life, all I can say is the hell with them for now, and I will deal with my kids and myself, so beware of my moods, from what day to the next indeed, and I will deal with my secclusion, and I will take my own life to where I need to go alone, for my kids and myself, I will do what I feel is right, and dont try to talk me out of it at all, I wont respond to such utter bullshit that I feel that is not the truth that I feel in my life EVER, so if you want to know more about me, then read all of what I have put in here in each situations of my life in this blogger, from begining to end, I know that alot of things I do in my life has been under survival mode, and that is how I live my life now as I tend to do from now on only with a small few of my true friends that I have already, nothing more. And to let everyone know that I am dealing with my life that I am fighting for, and this is serious also, I have known who I am for years, and I am dealing with things that alot of people will never understand that I went through in my life, well at least my true friends already have, and I am very truly greatful that they care and understand this about me, and for those that do, I thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most in my life hugs and kisses to all of you, and to those that have come to know me, and still want to know me more, please read my enire blogs here, and comment freely on each one, dont be shy to ask anything that might confuse you about my blogs, and sometimes I dont even understand myself at times but trust me I do know what I have learned in my life, and I have no regrets or remorse for how my life is going at this time, but I am dealing with my own mind that is taking its toll on my mentally, but I am still here on what I have left within myself, so please dont be afraid of what and who I am as a woman, as also a person inside, but I can not change or make anyone happy all of the time, all I can do is change myself this I know but it is hard to deal with sometimes but I manage (barley sruggling within my mental and my emotions of my own soul and this is not good at all) but I will live close to seconds of my life as I can, I have been writing in my journals in my notebook, as well as writing a book of my life so my wonderful children know who and what I am and was if something was to happen to me after I am gone, so these are the times where I need to be prepared for my childrens future comes from me, since I am as much a part of them as they are a part of me in my life, and I will do what it takes to make sure that they dont EVER forget me in their lives, I know this from my own wonderful children, in everything that they do, I will always be proud of them for life, even after I am gone from this world, yes, this may sound so negitave, but I am being prepared for my childrens future, and I have to do it, so if you want to know more about me feel free to read all of what I blog in here, I will answer what you may ask of me, but until then I will mend and heal within myself, and deal with my kids, and not my drama here at home, as of now I have been avoiding my folks as well as my dads friend, as I am healing within myself, and until the next time I blog in here I will do what I must do to mend and heel within myself. ( I feel like I am dying inside spiritually dying inside my entire body and I am knowing this but cant help feeling that my entire universe of mine is falling apart inside of me but I do what I must do to mend but no help geesh, and I get no respect at all here at home as well, fuck this fraken suck all the way to hell in my life, oh fraken well, if I mentally end up dead who the fuck cares huh?? I sure as fraken dont anymore indeed, geesh get over it people it is my own fraken life I am dealing with, but no one cares so why should I care huh?? well think of my life now which toally fraken sucks indeed and I from now on dont care about me indeed so what fuck off) Well, this has to be the worse day of my entire universe right now
as far as I am concerned but oh fraken well, I sure as hell am giving up in my life right now
indeed. So why should I give a rats ass for my own life?? as I figured it, if I die I die thats all,
and this is the god's honest truth as of today in my heart and I have always felt this way, and I will never change my mind EVER! So I am never changing my mind for fraken shit so all i can say to people who hurt me get a fucking clue, and fuck off and die, and dont preach to me that my life will be better if I was lied to, I dont fucking think so you fraken dumbasses that hurt me, so dont feed me this utter bullshit because I will never believe any of it not now or EVER, so to think people can hurt me and get away with it, ok who lied to them about doing something this fucking dumb needs to considered a real fraken moron indeed, is all I can say for now, but in case you fraken dumbasses try to pull one over on me, fraken forget it, I will get even with all of you fraken morons and justice is mine as well in this area so fraken what get over it, deal with your own shit. (geesh ya think for fracks sake indeed how fucking boring this life is geesh) just leave me in peace for fucking christ sake indeed geesh.
And as for now, I must mend on my own, and until next time my friends old and new I thank you all for being here and reading my blogs, and I appreciate each of you for reading and commenting in them, and ask me anything I will reply when I am able to my friends.
Until next time.
caio

Justice is mine now....scammers beware of ME.....good people beware of these dumbasses. I will ruin them all if I have to beware of my wrath.........

2006-06-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

well, it is that time again to say what I have been saying all along, in this blog, I will not ever deal with such asses that cannot respect my friendship, and that uses my friendship for what they want finacially, This is the final time that I will deal with such fucking assholes that use me, I will ruin them, and if they think that I will be easily be suckered into the lies and disrespect to me, they better think again, I wont put up with that nonsense at all, I will ruin their reputation in more ways than one you can count on this, I will NEVER EVER deal with such utter bullshit ever in the likes of this person his nick name on yahoo Messenger is: kelvinjames_20 so just to let you know on this as well as another one that you should never talk to is: braham_hit, also martins_soulmate, and also sexy_leo05 now I feel that I should let all of you know that these Dumbasses should not even try to scam off of anyone that is it, no excuses, and now to say that if my friendship was ruined, because of all of these people that are TOTAL FUCKING FAKES, trust me they are, they lied, and said that they live in california, then I found out that THEY LIVE IN NIGERIA, to me they are FRAKEN FUCKING FAKES, never believe a fraken word they say, because these people are professional nigerian scam artists, and I have reported them to the proper authorities, so if these people try this again, and they might online, please for fraken christ sake, do become very skeptical on who you talk to, and don't believe anything that they say or do, even sending you PERSONAL CHECKS, MONEY ORDERS, ETC. trust me don't give into these fraken assholes, they are not worth the fraken pot to piss and shit in, I know this for a fucking fact, they have hurt me in so many ways in my trust, that's why I am warning everyone here, NEVER TRUST these kinds of people, they are truly fucking dumbasses, to be honest, I have not been financially, hurt by this, just my trust issue has been destroyed TOTALLY, and it will take so much time to heal within myself, maybe for good, but I am not sure yet, right now all I have is my own kids, my family that I am dealing with, and for now that is enough not to deal with so many Dumbasses in this lifetime indeed, well until next time that people decide to use or hurt me, I will get my justice through here I guarantee you this much, and I will say this to all scammers, nigerian or otherwise: DON'T FRAKEN FUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME I WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE IN TIME, IF YOU KEEP HURTING GOOD PEOPLE, THEN UNTL YOU DO RIGHT, AND BECOME HONEST WITHIN WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG, YOUR LIFE TURNS TO FRAKEN HELL FOR GOOD IN THE LONG RUN, AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU EVER, YOU FRAKEN DUMBASSES YOU THINK YOUR SO SLICK, BUT YOUR NOT, YOU R FRAKEN PATHETIC INDEED, AND A FRAKEN DRAMA QUEEN AS WELL, SO AGAIN, I SAY TO YOU ALL FRAKEN FUCK OFF AND DIE TO WHEREVER YOU DECIDED TO FUCK OFF OF, SO DON'T EVER FRAKEN FUCK WITH ME AGAIN OR WHO I CARE ABOUT, IN TIME YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUIN FOR LIFE, YOU STUPID DUMBASS DRAMA FRAKEN QUEEN. Get over yourselves, you drama queens, assholes, so people beware of these fraken dumbasses, trust me I will ruin them all, I like to see them try to pull a fraken fast one on me, I hate all of them indeed, time will tell indeed to see if I will catch them in the act, ( I know that they will try this dumbass fraken shit again geesh anymore of this I will not be happy with it indeed, so beware of my fraken fucking wrath, believe me im in no fucking fraken mood at all with these dumbass son of a bitches indeed), well until I fight these fuckers again. ( I must be getting tierd of so many drama fucking queens, geesh do I need to fight? well if I have to I must I guess just beware of my moods you stupid dumbass fraken fucking morons and this also goes for people who totally fraken fucking lie to me in my life or hurt my kids and my parents, dont fraken fuck with me ever, and beware of my wrath I will get my Justice indeed. until next time.
caio

Mother's Day sucked.....lost a friend.....go figure.....but No More Drama Ever in my life again........

2006-05-15T03:45:00.000-07:00

Mother's day sucked......Lost a friend....go figure......but no more drama ever in my life again.......
May 14, 2006
Today on Mother's Day, I ended up being dumped by who I thought was a friend, until his ex-girlfriend called me in three times today, but in the past, when she first called me, her attitude sucked, but all in today, sad enough I was used by my ex-friend (I thought my friend was not dealing with his ex-girl friend, but boy was I wrong indeed) But as I said it before never again, will I trust someone who hurts me and becomes a flake, she became a drama queen indeed, I even told her on the phone, that she was a total drama queen, so if the next time I find out that people on this site use me, I will drop them like trash and I will never give them a chance in hell of forgiveness, and never accept them again as my friend, but I will say this, I will only give all of my friends a one time chance with my friendship, if they screw it up too bad I will never forgive them and dump the friendship for good, no exceptions ever!! I will trust my instincts every single time always, but I am going to have fun without this friend, even if he begs me to forgive him, the answer for him......Well he will have to find out in the future. But from this day forward NO MORE DRAMA EVER IN MY LIFE EVER!!!! I am having fun until I die LOL this is my motto, but time will tell indeed. Chat or meet new people soon in this site indeed. And then my son ran off from where he lived at and I was never notified, when this happened my son is now back to where he lives at, but I called him and that is when he told me that he ran off, and he could have been dead or kidnapped or hurt, and I would have never known it but still, no one called me when it happened on Saturday, so guess what everyone....I will deal with my kids my way and the hell with the damn CPS system in santa clara county, I blame the governor for all of the shit that he ignores in the county and state system, so if anything happends with both of my kids and end up dead, I swear on my life, I will NEVER EVER forgive the CPS or juvenile dependency system, for the death of my kids even after my death, TRUST ME ON THIS, I guarantee my life and death on this. NO one does this and gets away with it in my book, but before I die, I will make sure they pay for what they have done to my kids, while they are in their care, also my ex-husband is held responsible for what happened to me and my kids, I blame him for the rest of my life and death, and I will never EVER forgive him. So no more with people that hurt me and my family, this I promise and vow to my death as I am living, no one will hurt my family and my kids and will get away with it. So from now on, I am a total Bitch and I am proud of that fact, always have and always will be until I die, and even after I die, I will be more of a bitch in the afterlife.
Well, I must go now and kick some major ass, before I die, and save my kids life.
and no more backstabbing friends who are total fucking flakes ever.
And NO MORE DRAMA EVER!!! So people, get fucking over yourselves, as well as your drama bullshit because I will never buy into your Drama not now and not ever. Trust me.
So deal with what I have to say, or stay the fuck away from me and my kids, as well as my family, so I say to people who are so full of themselves, a flake, Fuck off, and let me and my kids as well as my family alone, and if you don't like what I say in here, or otherwise, then don't deal with me, and fuck off for good and stay away from me and my family for good that includes my kids, and my parents, so again I say to people who don't like me, fucking Bite Me you self centered fucks who are Drama fucking Queens, get over yourselves for good. (fucking drama ass queens geesh).

What the hell it went from bad to worse....

2006-05-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess for myself, things went from bad to worse now, but who am I to say anything these days??? Well, I will not even think that the Days events have been even enough to deal with that I know already, but I guess that i am so numb inside to a point to where I will not discuss this with anyone not even my family. Well, I guess, not even them also I wont even discuss anything that I am dealing with at this time, Geesh my own mom, I swear sometimes,
(thinking with a sigh heavily indeed with anger to myself) I am not even going to discuss it in general, because I will deal with handling things myself, things that I felt, that I need to keep within me as I slowly die within my own heart, my feelings will never matter anymore, this is how I have always felt, for 13 years since my 2 wonderful boys were taken away from me, (my ex-husband will pay for what he has done to them forever indeed) even if I feel if justice is never done for my kids behalf, I will make it happen before the end of my own life as well, this I promise to myself, and to my kids, nothing more and nothing less indeed. If I was to pass away it would be when I am finished on what I have set out to do in my kids's life as much as mine on what i need to do, when I am done with all that I have set out to do, then I will wish for my death to myself indeed, even as I sleep peacefully as I slip through my spirit, but nonetheless, things will be better, well I guess my dad even chimed in to even think that he cared about my wealfare (as if I really believed him I dont think so not in the slightest....as I sigh so angrily with my thoughts deeply Geesh! even in fustration at both of them) well, as I said it before, I will say this again never trust my parents for my problems or my thoughts indeed ever as I feel this way, and as a matter of fact I will promise myself this that I will never trust anyone with things that I am dealing with in the matters of my dark side indeed to myself, i am keeping this secret within my own life, but I guess now I should be going to sleep, I might just sleep my life away sometime when I am close to my end indeed, well it is off to things with what I must do now, and until next time (if there is any way if I will allow a next time). so much to do, and so little time indeed (as I sigh deeply in numbness and with a dead heart within myself).
Caio.

Going through the unknown in my life.....

2006-05-05T00:24:00.000-07:00

I am going through the unknown of my life, and these feelings that I have are still with me, but I still feel so Damn numb inside of myself I feel like I am going insane at times, but dealing with several parts of me, I am just at that unknown part of myself if I really truly understand this myself, I guess I would not be feeling this way at all to begin with, but I guess that things will be at the unknown for me, and I will have to find out for myself when things will be alright for myself, and maybe they wont be alright for me anyways, possibly noteven in the long run in the future for me either, but as for right now I will have to take this a second at a time, just to see where I am at in my life. I am not ever going to be sure within myself, if I am dealing with my life, in either a good way or a bad way that I have to deal with at all. but this is not going to be easy at all within myself that I have to deal with my demons inside me, I just feel like I am in the twilight zone, and that I am feeling numb inside, and cant get out of my own skin, I really feel so dirty, when I feel this way about myself, geesh I am not going to handle this very well, but as I said Time will tell when I am able to deal with things in the right direction for myself, well time for me to battle some more nasty demons inside me, then I will find out if I can survive it all after that. Until next blog.
caio

My Own feelings that has been deepend and hurt

2006-05-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

I guess, that things in my life has been really disapointing for me in my life these days, i guess that when people use me as a part of a nigerian scam but luckily I caught it in time, Damn I hate being used who I thought that was my friend and that sucks so much, and it huhrt me deep, but all I can say is that never again, will I be used in anyway shape or form NEVER!!!
All I know is my feelings have been hurt and the trust has been broken between my friend and I, and I will never talk to him ever again until he explains to me why he used me this way, but this will NOT be tolerated in my life EVER!! These are the times that I will deal with what I have learned about what happened to me yesterday, so from now on if anyone comes in contact with a person by the name of: Martins Johnson, or his client in Maryland named YUCI, dont talk to them at all report them to the police ASAP!! That's all I have to say about that, now as far as I am concerned, with my feelings on the trust issue for people that do decide to hurt me, in such scams of any kind, dont EVER think you can try this with me and decided I wont find out about it because I will and put you in this blog here to let everyone know that your a criminal, and I will totally prosecute, to the total extent of the Law, and believe me I will you can trust me on this, I am totally sick of people who says that they are my friend and that they care about my friendship, but I dont really give a Damn on people saying that when they really dont truly care on my friendship, so Everyone beware on nigerian, or canadian scams, or any other scams for that matter, I sure will look out for any and all for that matter and this will be posted in all of my blogs for people being warned about any and all scams, so as I said this before and I will say this again, Beware of any and all scams, do not trust these people, EVER!!! Just for anyone's information, I am moving on with my life with no friends in my life, except the ones I have now, so dont expect me to accept new friends in my life at this time, until further notice, or I might not ever accept any new friends, it depends on my life and the way it is at that time, but from now on I am taking my life back as of now, I will be secluded and dealing with my kids only and no one else except a chosen few that I select in my life only, this is the only way that I will protect myself away from scammer, fakers, players, and so called friends that hurt me in general, so that is my way of my life, I am adjusting my life for good and that is my story and my life and I am sticking to it always, so until the next time I blog in here, then all comments are welcome in all of my blogs, I want to know what you think on what I written in here, until then.

Another Day to survive of my life....(I'm actually fighting for my own life)......

2006-04-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am actually fighting for my own life, without help but who am I to be asking for help???
I feel like I'm lost within myself, I just feel like I need to hide away, until I'm gone forever, but I cant do it or understand it all. Oh well, I have been awake without sleep for 48 hours too, and I'm still dealing with my demons that I have inside myself, that no one understands, and I don't think I understand this as well, but I will breathe, one second at a time. Well, after this past week helping my mom with her surgery, I felt that I have failed at my own life, but I am still trying to live each second, its not easy at the moment but I will deal with it I suppose, I can deal with this and more, chat soon all, until the next time I blog......Ciao.

Things to think about for myself......

2006-03-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well, things to think about for myself in the world these days is to have fun, and enjoy my life, but the things that I wonder about, well I guess you can say living life, and finding my peaceful place in my life is very difficult these days, but I am the type of woman to where I dont give up in life, but I push myself to become more wise in what I am as a woman but as a person, and I could have put my life into a complete book, but I know it wont be one of the best sellers at all, at least I think not at anytime so if it does happen then tiime will tell when that happens for me to do it, but until then, well I have to find out when my instinct let's me know the right time for me to do the book, well I must find out how things will end up for me, and how things can go in the right direction for myself, this will be very interesting indeed.

my insite on life

2006-03-04T04:09:00.000-08:00

I Believe that things in my life has been rough but now, I see what I must do withinside myself, and I must face it alone, sometimes when I deal with my family it is hard, I am doing what needs to be done, but nonetheless, it does hurt me when the things that I care the most (my kids) hurt and there is nothing that I can do about it at this moment, all I can do is pray that things go well and my kids stay alive, until I get them home safe and sound, I guess, I must be paranoid about my kids, well I can't apologize, for my thoughts that are withinside me all the time, yes I do worry about them alot I am there mother, I love them alot and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that they stay alive and that no one ever hurts them, and I ment that to my kids, they know that they can count on me on what I ssaid to them on keeping them safe from people that hurt them that are mean, but I am not only there Mother, but there guardian angel always and for life, This I have made a promise to them on this, and they know it too, but I do hope that my insite, will let me rest until I am able to worry again, well I hope so, but can not promise myself on it...LOL, well I know this will get better this year somehow or another at least. Get busy living or get busy dying, well the choice is to Live for myself and my kids, and know that people care about me that knows me, this is my choice now, so I deal with it always, until I die.

I see things in a different light...

2006-02-20T02:50:00.000-08:00

These days I see things in a different light, I try to look at things a little differently in my life, some days I end up just saying to myself the hell with it, or become so isolated to where I don't want to talk to anyone, not even my mom or dad for that matter, but sometimes I do cry just to get rid of my own heartache and pain for what I see in this world, I take a look at what I have in this world and I think and say to myself "how blessed I am to have a second chance at my life again", and then I feel sometimes alone, because I don't have the one friend I have since I was 2 Years old living again he is dead, and cannot share with me what I have in my life anymore, so I deal with the memories of him alone, and feel sadden inside myself, well I think for now I am dealing with things better with what I have now in my life, but again I can say that sometimes, I do miss my own true friend, but I move on with my life, and then again, I think that I am very truly in deed much so in one word, I can say is BLESSED, for what I have in my life. And again, I feel loved, by the people who love and care about me. Very True Indeed.

My life's little thoughts.....

2006-02-17T18:38:00.000-08:00

This is what i have been thinking in my life, the travels that i went through, the places that i have been in my life, the descions that i made, god knows how many mistakes i have made in my life, but i do learn from them, not easy at all mind you, but i am still struggling with whatever life throws at me, even the near death experiences i have went through, and even my young experience with my aunt when i was 2 yrs old to 14 when she passed away, she died of breast cancer, well, things have changed for good, i learned that life is too short to dwel in the past, make the most of what life gives you, and deal with it that is what i say and do all the time, at least i know within my heart i know how to live my life, well now i can say is that i am still learning alot more in many years to come, well, maybe my dreams and wishes will come true. Time will tell indeed, until the next blog...

What more can I ask for???

2006-02-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

What more can I ask for in my life?? I have wonderful kids, a wonderful person that cares about me, wonderful friends, and wonderful caring parents that I love so much, well, I guess you can say that I am truly blessed this year, I can say all I ever want now is to have the man of my dreams stay in my life that knows me well, and cares about me, and that loves my kids, if he has kids, then good I love kids, and if he doesn't? Well, that's ok, I don't mind him loving my kids at all, all I can say is that I am loving my life at the moment, and even that I miss my wonderful kids, I still love them, but nonetheless, I am blessed, and things will be more interesting in my life, well at least I like to think so, well I must deal with the rest of my day, and deal with lives biggest or littlest challenges that may come my way, until next blog....

My Blog...my own thoughts.....

2006-02-17T02:17:00.000-08:00

well my last blog was accedentally deleted, but i am trying this again, im so fustrated geesh i get so angry with myself when this happens, but i am doing things better it seems, but my thought proccess is going to be really difficult, well i am doing too many things all at once, back to my thoughts....well, it seems that i am blogging and it is very much going to be interesting, but all i can say is that my life keeps getting more and more interesting as the days go by, all i can say is that my parents want me to have more friends, but maybe i'm looking in the wrong place, and maybe they are right, but time will tell for myself, as i write in these blogs, and as others read more about me here, you can easily comment on them, i do enjoy life to the extreem fullest, and i love my kids, they are my life always, and i take care of my mom, and i do take time to have fun in life, as they say life is too short to sweat the small stuff, so i don't because it is not worth my health, and besides if everyone wants to read more here about who i am, feel free to do so, and also, i will be writing more about me and my life, so everyone can get to know me well, and i am starting to think things through in my own life and for the better, so my blogs here are good for me to blog, and time will tell when i start to blog about my life from the beginning of my life, til now the present, but i hope to have fun in the process, and i wont give up, so until the next time i blog, feel free to comment.......